My trainer wrote back a very thorough and thought-provoking e-mail last night. With his permission, I'm reprinting it here. I've incorporated my responses following each paragraph/point (to help with differentiation, they're in bold).
I appreciate the thorough and honest email. I'm pretty lost as to where to start, so I'm just going to start spitting out ideas and see what sticks.
My honest opinion: you want a million different things that simply aren't congruent-- or at least I, personally, don't know how to make them line up. Let me break that down by picking apart a couple of your thoughts:
-yes, the lower-protein diet introduces a new challenge to eating right for weight loss; BUT, that said, you would NOT lose 10lbs by eating more protein; protein is calories, like anything else, and there is nothing magical to it; you might need to drop your protein a bit (and to be honest, you were never on THAT high of a protein diet to begin with-- you typically hovered around 150g/day; I routinely consume 500+g/day; Nikki, while dieting this year, was consuming 250g/day), but that doesn't mean you have to introduce a ton of other stuff; it just means you might be hungry for a bit while your body adjusts to a different style of eating; yes, frustrating, but still possible; if you were to consume 200g carbs/day, 50g protein/day, and 30g fat/day, that would come out to 1270cal/day-- both low-protein AND low-cal; it can certainly be done, and you can certainly lose weight eating that way, it just takes some practice, research, finding ways to line up food combos, etc.
I think I'm just thinking about how easy it seemed last summer. That could have been because my schedule was less demanding and I could focus more easily on how I was eating and moving. I'm certainly game for re-working the caloric intake to help with bringing my weight back down a bit. (Honestly, I'm happy to hover in the low 140s. My lowest last year was 137 which would be nice but isn't imperative. I'm willing to give on that for other details.) I'm not sure what my caloric intake is right now, as I'm just eating the plan that Nikki laid out for me. And I'm not sure how it compares to the plan I was following last summer. With my current eating, I'm not going hungry and I could go without the fifth meal many days.
-you mention that you're fairly happy with how you're eating, but you're not sure if it's sustainable for life; the question is, Why?; why do you think it might not be sustainable for life?; or another way of putting it: what do you think gets incorporated at a later date?-- more junk food?; this is going to be a recurring theme in this email: in my opinion, success with all of this comes down to learning your genetic tendencies, ACCEPTING your genetic tendencies, and then figuring out how to DEAL with them, in order to achieve your goal; for instance, I long ago learned that I'm a true-blue fat kid; there's no way around that-- I was born and built to be fat, other things equal; if I ate even REMOTELY close to how most people eat, and stopped working out vigorously, I'd be fat again in a heartbeat (hell, half the time I get there WHILE eating mostly clean AND working out like a maniac-- just imagine if I ate "normal" and stopped working out!). So that said, I long ago came to the (somewhat shitty) conclusion that I'm more or less stuck eating this way for life. Meaning: 80% of the time, I'm going to have to really watch what I eat (lean proteins, complex carbs, veggies, healthy fats), and I can play the other 20% of the time, PROVIDED I work out really hard. This isn't a "phase" for me-- I'm stuck here for life, more or less. Not necessarily bodybuilding, but ALWAYS having to be fairly conscious of what I put in my mouth. If you have those true fat-kid tendencies, too, then guess what-- you're probably in the same boat. Sad, but true. And if you really feel you ARE in that position, then the question bears repeating: if this "style" of eating might not be sustainable for life, then what would be? What would the alternative be? (I'm asking this somewhat rhetorically, but somewhat not-- what do you feel is "missing"?)
When I say I'm concerned about it being sustainable, I'm speaking mostly out of anxiety. I continually hear about how having children completely changes your life and you don't have time for anything. I'm afraid that I won't have the time to dedicate to food prep or to exercise once there's a baby in the picture (on top of work and everything else that's already filling my schedule). I'm also worried about modeling healthy eating behaviors for a child. I grew up with so many hang-ups about my appearance and my weight that I don't want to convey to my child.
I definitely have the "fat-kid" genetics. Sometimes I wonder if I'm working against myself and trying to get my body to do something it's not meant to do. I feel like I have to work harder to achieve the same results as many of those "skinny minis" out there. (Okay, wallow done) I do recognize that this approach is a lifestyle, not a quick-fix. I know my body is prone to be a bit on the "thick" side, and I'm scared that I'm going to be an overweight old woman. I see "large ladies" in the gym, at the grocery store, and everywhere in between and I'm emphatic that I don't want to head down that road but I'm scared that my life will become overwhelming and out of my control and I'll be powerless to do anything about it. (And I will confess to having a KILLER sweet tooth which I'll indulge all to readily if there aren't limits in place.)
-you seem to have a yearning both for a high degree of regularity/consistency, AND for variation. Of course you can put together a plan that rotates in different foods. Steak, eggs, peanut butter-- all of that stuff can be incorporated into a clean diet. You just need to look at the macros. If you normally do, say, 4oz of chicken, then, on average, it would be fine here and there to do 4oz of steak instead. If you normally do 1oz of almonds, then it would be essentially the same to do a tablespoon of peanut butter. It just comes down to this: can you CONTROL yourself ONLY eating a 4oz steak, or a tablespoon of peanut butter? Or is it going to lead you to cheat more? If the latter, well, then, the problem isn't the food choices, it's the quantities, and the mentality behind eating servings larger than should be consumed at once. (And bear in mind, this isn't the diet Nazi in me chastizing those that eat bigger servings; pretty much ANY nutritionist would tell you that a "serving" of protein is 3oz or so, no more. Of cousre, this gets all screwy when you go out socially and they serve you a 12-20oz steak. But that's just because the restaurants have no relationship to reality, to actual human necessitites, etc. The above is ALSO the reason most of this country is fat. Again, sad but true.) So yeah, we can try putting together something with more rotational options, but you have to be honest with yourself in terms of how likely you are to stick with it. (One last thing: in terms of having the capacity to "spice things up": I get sick of eating the same old stuff all the time, too, so I spice it up WITH SPICES, rubs, condiments, veggies, etc. You get the point. There is no way to make a cake "healthy". Just a chicken breast. Don't shoot the messenger.)
Okay, Food Nazi, I'm really okay with following a specific plan. I think the piece that I struggle with is not really knowing what my options are that fulfill the same nutritional pieces. For example, when D said he didn't want to have eggs and oatmeal for breakfast, Nikki said that turkey and rice would be the same. That's the piece I feel is missing. When I'm eating at home, I'm definitely capable of eating 3oz of chicken or steak. I've got my digital scale and weigh out everything. I'm good with doing that. It's eating at the restaurants which makes this difficult, as you said. That's why I don't really bother with trying to eat "on-plan" when I eat out. If I can't bring my own food along with me, I don't feel like it's worth the effort to navigate the menu to create clean options for myself.
-regarding cheat meals, social events, etc.: this one is really hard for me to address, simply because I'm basically socially retarded-- I have virtually no social life-- and insofar as I do, the whole "other people are eating so I should, too" mentality doesn't even register with me. Part of that is because I value my bodybuilding pursuits so much. It's ALSO a large part of the reason I have different "phases". When I'm offseason, if I want to go out to eat (maybe once a week, tops), then I do so-- and even then, I usually get either a steak, or sushi (i.e., something reasonably clean and bodybuilder-friendly). It has taken a long time to get to this point, but I rarely feel compelled to eat absolute trash anymore (including dessert). The bottom line: I accepted my fat-kid genetics all the way down, and realized that even though dessert is tasty, it also does stuff to me I really don't like, so I just (very slowly) trained myself to not care about it. I still have ice cream occasionally, or something like that, but for the most part, I just try to fill up on clean food. When I'm in contest-prep mode, obviously, my focus is so extreme that the thought of cheating (or the desire to) almost doesn't even register. I just don't put myself in positions that would torture me. Like everything else in this email, it comes down to value prioritization. To me, being a good bodybuilder is more important than eating some transient food (that never ends up being all that good, anyways), so I can hang out with some friends. I'll just bring my own food, or not go, simple as that. To a degree, I think you just have conflict here in terms of what means the most to you. It's a shame almost everybody's "social outings" consist of 95% stuffing their faces with crap food. I happened to be talking to Nikki about this exact topic last weekend, and I noted that-- at least in MY mind-- this is the FIRST sign that you are hanging out with a bunch of old, boring, uncreative people. I'd rather have a stupid karyoke party, or go bowling, or have a book club, or whatever. Snacking on crap the entire time is NOT a prerequisite for having a good time (well, in America it kinda' seems to be nowadays, but you get my point).
With the cheat meals, we tend to go out maybe once a week if that. I often feel like the cheat meals are beyond my control as they revolve around other people's events/activities (pipe band competitions, etc). I'll definitely admit to some resentment, as these aren't always meals that I like or want to eat (making do with the restaurants that are available, going somewhere that other people want to go, etc). I really don't want to be cut-off from others and I think I've just been feeling it a bit more lately (cue a little more wallowing!). I don't see food as a prerequisite for a good time, but so many of those around me seem to. I'm capable of seeing food as little more than fuel for my body, but it can take on so much more of a presence in people's lives! Even today, I overheard two separate conversations about food while in the locker room at the gym.
(FYI - I'm now looking at having my birthday get-together at a bowling alley instead of a restaurant.)
I'm rambling with the above, but I think you get my gist: I don't know what to tell you about the social eating thing, other than, you have to decide what matters more to you. Yes, you can probably go out and have one, maybe two (TOPS) meals a week at a restaurant (or something similar) that are SEMI clean, and still make progress. But if you can do more than that, my only comment is: please teach me how to do it, too! 'Cause frankly, I have no idea how to make that work. Sorry. (Again, don't shoot the messenger. I'm not trying to be obstinant, just honest.)
I still haven't gone out to buy a firearm. I'm good with going out to a restaurant once a week. I do struggle with keeping it semi-clean while there. I generally do pass on desserts, ordering hot tea if I get anything. I know I can make better choices with entrees and I can skip appetizers more often than not. A big piece of going out to eat is the negotiation/coordination with others. If I had complete control over who was going, where we were going, and the actions/comments/moods of everyone involved, there'd be no problem! (Can I get a magic wand instead of a firearm?)
-the "why bother excercising if you're just going to get fat and prenant?" statement might well be the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. Or close. If you'll recall, Nikki got pregnant, exercised the whole time, ate reasonable clean-- and was able to step on stage less than a year after giving birth, FAR leaner than she had EVER been before in her life. There is no need to get fat while pregnant. Yes, you'll gain weight, and maybe SOME excess fat, but there is no reason to PURPOSELY get NEEDLESSLY fat. If you don't stay on top of it now, then you'll just have more crap to deal with later. Your call.
I know there's no merit to the "pregnant and fat" comment. (Though I do remember how you used a photo of Nikki when she was pregnant as one of her "before" photos!) I know it's okay to gain weight/fat while pregnant and I don't want to gain needless weight. I think I kind of viewed Vegas, Canada, and the decision to try and get pregnant as "permission" to eat crap recently. I do want to be on top of things, but I also want to feel that it's working for me and getting me where I want. I think I've also been feeling emotionally burned-out and have viewed eating off-plan as a way to care for myself. Rationally, I KNOW it's actually the opposite and really not a healthy thing to do, but there are times when those feelings that I'm depriving myself are really strong.
-I don't think following a clean-eating diet plan would inhibit your ability to get pregnant whatsoever, provided you were getting in a reasonable balance of nutrients, and not undereating too much. Like I said, you just want to a follow a fairly healthy and balanced diet, along with regular exercise, and you should be fine. I don't think right now is the right time to AGGRESSIVELY pursue losing 20lbs, but that doesn't mean you should go hog wild, either. If I were in your shoes, with your goals, I would just try to formulate a failry healthy diet with a balance of carbs, proteins, fats, and regular cardio and strength training, probably in the 1500-1700cal range. My best guess of what would meet all of your goals.
Sounds good to me!
-to me, there's no different in principle between 4 and 5 days of cardio per week. I would focus on changing up your method of cardio: instead of doing insanely long marathon sessions at a moderate pace, I would probably have you start doing some more high-intensity sessions (shorter) alternated with the moderate-intensity longer sessions. You can push your heart rate as high as you want now, until you know you're pregnant. It won't hurt anything. I think this would both offer some new interesting forms of exercise, while also being conducive to your goals of better conditioning and weight loss.
Sounds good to me, too! My heart rate is generally in the 160 range when I'm doing my cardio. I'm not wild about the high-intensity sessions, if that means getting my HR up to the 175+ range. And with the elliptical at home I don't always feel comfortable at those higher paces (noisy, etc.). I do want to look at my schedule and see if I can plan for more trips to the gym for the stairmill, pool, and group fitness.
So yeah, I'm not going to write anything up yet, just want to talk like this for a bit longer. To sum up: I think you have a lot of disparate goals, and you need to weigh them and figure out what matters most (or at least rank them). If you want my god's honest opinion-- and this is as a friend, not your trainer-- I think it would be in your long-term best interest to start SLOWLY grappling with the need for dirty cheat meals. Nikki is in the same boat. She keeps sabotaging all of her efforts because she is SO obsessed with food-- be it a Cadburry egg, a juicy steak, whatever. I catch you talking about "yummy food" in a glowing tone a LOT of the time-- funnel cakes, food in Vegas, whatever. You'll notice that, by and large, you don't catch me talking about food like that (or at least not very often). Why? Because I DON'T CARE about food. I treat is mostly as FUNCTIONAL, not emotional, and not social. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate better food, have my preferences, etc. But I rarely, if ever, make a big deal out of it (ONLY when I'm dieting my ass off, and STARVING-- and even then, I try not to dwell on it or think about it much). I long ago accepted that bad food, as tasty as it is, IS BAD FOR ME, and I have to choose what matters more, my physique/health pursuits, or my taste buds. On average, the former wins out.
I'll let you in on a little secret: A lot of the time when I'm talking about food it's to be obnoxious. Sometimes I talk about food because I don't know what else to talk about. (I don't really talk about work and I often feel like there's not much else going on in my life!) I do like my funnel cake, but I recognize that I like the idea of it more than the actual food itself. To some extent, I'm balking at the sense of being told that I "can't" have something, even though I'm the one putting those limits on myself. I do know there's an element of self-sabotage in there. I'm a perfectionist and I'm scared of failing.
I've written way too much already, and I'm sure you're not going to like most of it, but hey, I'm sure you're in the same position a LOT of the time with your clients, right? Get me thoughts back on the above.
Yes, I recognize that I have a lot of personal baggage that's at play here. "Psychologist, heal thyself" huh? The piece that I feel is missing right now is that internal goal or spark. I do enjoy working out. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I'm able to get my workouts in and when I'm able to eat on-plan. I feel good (physically) when I'm moving and eating well. Sometimes I just need a reminder as to why I'm choosing to do this. (And a little reward or reinforcer every now and then doesn't hurt either!)
Food Log:
- Meal 1
- 3 egg whites
- 50g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
- Meal 2
- 3 oz chicken
- Peppers and onions
- 1 tbsp coconut oil
- Meal 3
- 3 oz chicken
- Green beans
- 1 tbsp coconut oil
- Meal 4
- 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
- 1 tbsp coconut oil
Exercise:- Time: 30 minutes on the stairmill; 20 minutes on the treadmill; 30 minutes swimming
- Level: Stairmill: Level 8 with cycle of 4 minutes single stepping and 1 minute double stepping; Treadmill: 3mph with incline of 10
- Calories: 650 for the stairmill and treadmill, HRM wasn't reading while I was swimming. BOO!
Weigh-In: 150.5 / 150.2
