2011 - February In Review

Where did February go?  I know it's a short month, but seriously!  With two months down, I still think I've been handling 2011 pretty well.  If I focus on the target behaviors that I identified for myself, I've been consistent in working on them.  Given the dietary changes that I've had to make, the impact of these efforts isn't as visible.  That doesn't mean that my efforts aren't worthwhile, just that external measures may not reflect them.  But I know how I feel and that's enough of a payoff for me.

I'd say the biggest challenges this month have been more emotional and mental, rather than physical.  I can follow my exercise and food plans, but it's more about how I feel in the process.  I've been feeling angry, sad, resentful, upset, confused, hurt, scared, isolated, stressed, overwhelmed, afraid, inadequate, trivialized, judged, unheard, and belittled.  All that in such a short, little month!  That's why so many of my posts this past month have had a theme of self-care.  If I don't take care of myself, who will?  Not that the people in my life don't love or care for me, but they can't nurture me in the way I need to nurture myself.

Kidney issue is continuing through the beginning of April at the very least and will probably extend beyond that to become a life-long maintenance issue.  This is something I'm going to have to accept and deal with.  If this means a reassessment of my goals, then that's what I'll do.  If that means a redefinition of what it means to be healthy, then okay.  For the time being, I'm in a limbo of uncertainty as I wait for more assessments and tests.  My biggest fear is that I'll be told to eat even less protein than I'm eating now and to exercise less intensely.  I don't want to have to eat a diet of "butter and sugar" (as one person put it) and be relegated to a life of lethargy.  My fear isn't about gaining weight, it's about not being able to live the lifestyle that I want to live.

• GOAL 1:  Be consistent with my exercise routine
• There was one week where I ONLY got 5 days of exercise in instead of 6.  Guess that makes me human after all!  In the grand scheme of things, I'm doing a pretty good job of challenging myself and being consistent with getting those workouts in there.  Part of the struggle has been figuring out a better time to exercise, since the low-protein diet has me feeling more low-energy in the morning and the work schedule has me at the office in the evening.  As my husband and my trainer put it, I'm putting myself through the wringer by expecting the same level of performance from my body while giving it less fuel.
• March is going to have some challenging weeks for exercise and I can already identify the weeks when I won't be getting all my workouts in there.  We're traveling out of town for two long weekends.  While I will bring my workout clothes with me, I'm not sure what the likelihood is that I'll actually workout at the hotels.  Maybe once or twice, but not enough to stay "on goal" for the entire week.  I'm okay with that (and even with not working out at all on the trips) because I think my body deserves the rest.
• Goal 2:  Be consistent with my nutritional program
• I ate clean for the entire month of February, with the exception of one cookie last weekend (and I don't think that cookie really counts as a "cheat").  Honestly, I think I could have worked in an actual cheat meal in there and it would have been a good thing for me to do.  Part of my not deviating from the clean eating (aside from my own stubbornness) has been this low-protein diet from the doctor.  I want to be able to go into the office at the start of April, put my food log on the table, tell him I followed EVERY request that he made, and demand an explanation for whatever craziness is going on with my body.
• The changes to my diet have kind of done a number on my body.  I'm adjusting to lower energy-levels because I don't have the protein.  I do enjoy the oatmeal, light cheese, and apple (the huge amounts of salad not as much, but the dressing does help), but my body doesn't run on it in the same way and that takes some adjusting.  That's also dampened my weight loss trend.  I'm mostly okay with that because I recognize that the number on the scale is only one reflection of health and fitness.  That doesn't mean that I'm not frustrated to see a (temporary and minor) halt to the progress I was making last month.
•  As with exercise, March will be a bit of a challenge for eating clean because of the traveling.  I'm going to do what I can to bring foods with me on each trip.  I'm trying to request small fridges in each of the rooms so I can store food while there.  I've got my Bobble water bottle so I'll be better able to keep up my fluid intake.  I know I won't be able to stay completely "on plan" but I want to make a solid effort.  I also want to enjoy the evenings out with friends while traveling, so I know there's going to be some intentional cheating going on there.

Food Log: 

• Meal 1 
• 2 egg whites with peppers, onion, and salsa 
• 40g oatmeal
• Meal 2
• Apple
• 1oz almonds
• Light cheese 
• Meal 3
• 3oz chicken
• Salad
• 2 tablespoons salad dressing
• 40g oatmeal
• 1 tablespoon peanut butter 

(I chomped on a lot of hard candies this afternoon instead of making the time to eat my salad and chicken.  One of the joys of feeling stressed!)

Exercise: 

• Time:  60 minutes
• Level:  1 minute Level 1, 58 minutes Level 6, 1 minute Level 1
• Calories:  650

Today's Weigh-In: 143.5 / 143.0