I try to tread carefully around the topic of motivation and inspiration. All too easily, I find those things that are meant to be positive influences becoming negative forces that derail my efforts. Wait? My motivators become my undermining forces? How does that happen? Here's an example:
When I was hired for a job, it was in part to replace an established member of the staff. I was really impressed by this person and was inspired by all she had done professionally. I found myself motivated to challenge myself in an effort to fill her shoes. Over the next months, I pushed myself, I challenged myself, I worked myself hard. No matter how much I did, I never felt as though I was filling her shoes. I would never measure up to the incredibly high standards she had set. What started out as a motivating force transformed into fuel for my insecurities. I lost a lot of my "oomph" for a while and was really pessimistic about what I could do. I discounted my accomplishments and dismissed recognition from others. Now, I would have worked just as hard had I not tried to model myself after this particular person. I was using her as a reference or a guideline for learning a new position.
With that experience under my belt, I've learned to pull my motivation differently. Rather than aspiring to be like another person, I seek to embody certain traits or characteristics that I admire in others. It's much easier for me to focus on the behaviors that I observe than the values/intentions/meanings that I might attribute to them. A few years later, I shared this experience with a group of people, describing how the act of putting someone else on a pedestal can sometimes amount to putting yourself in a hole. As we were talking, someone passed me a note that said "I am not her; I am me, the best me I can be, and that's okay."
When I look through the various fitness and health magazines that I read, I definitely admire the women that are profiled. I'm impressed with their commitment and their dedication to living a healthy lifestyle. If I examine them too closely, the negative self-talk starts up in my head. "I'll never look like that." "I don't have the time to dedicate to fitness like they do." "I should work as hard as they do, but I know I can't." This can make magazine reading more of a self-punishing session rather than an opportunity to relax, learn, and care for myself.
I work to keep track of my negative thoughts and challenge them. I try to notice what I'm responding to and figure out why I'm responding to it that way. I'll definitely try to better recognize my insecurities, my envying others, my weaknesses. Then, can I turn it into a source of motivation? That's where honing in on specific behaviors can be more successful.
I'm not trying to be any of the figure competitors profiled in the magazines. I'm not trying to be an Olympic-caliber athlete. I'm not trying to be a fitness guru or a nutrition expert. But I can learn something from each of these people and challenge myself to grow. I'm motivated to be the best me that I can be and to be okay with me!
Food Log:
- Meal 1
- 2 egg whites
- 40g oatmeal
- Meal 2
- 3oz chicken
- Salad
- 2 tablespoons light salad dressing
- Meal 3
- Apple
- 1oz almonds
- Light cheese
- Meal 4
- 3oz chicken
- Salad
- 2 tablespoons light salad dressing
- 40g oatmeal
- Tablespoon peanut butter
Exercise:
- Time: 60 minutes on the elliptical
- Level: Level 1 for 1 minute, Level 4 for 58 minutes, Level 1 for 1 minute
- Distance: 4.8 miles
- Calories: 725
Today's Weigh-In: 150.0 / 1496
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