This past weekend was really tough for me, emotionally. I pretty much lost it on Friday and had a meltdown after the weekly staff meeting. There wasn't anything particular that set me off, but more a feeling that it was more of the same old thing. So I was breaking down in tears every five minutes and trying to hold it together with little effect. Dinner that night was Papa John's because I couldn't stomach the idea of eating clean. Besides, doesn't pizza fix everything?
I thought I was doing better on Saturday until I got news that good friends of ours are moving away in the next three months or so. Cue the down mood again! Yup, I had to leave the room after they told us their news because I didn't want to start crying in front of them. I did keep all Saturday clean, because I kept reminding myself that, no matter what I ate, it wouldn't keep my friends from moving. I was a little concerned about being a "Debbie Downer" at the ballpark that evening and I tried to keep it in check. At least everyone seemed to be understanding.
Yesterday, I think things were turning around for me. I did feel weak and frustrated during my session with the trainer because I really haven't done any kind of REAL physical activity in AGES. My trainer and I had a brief talk and he encouraged me to think about what my goals and plans are. He recognized my frustration and that's been getting him frustrated as well. So we want to see if we can reassess and come up with something that will work and help me take care of myself.
My husband and mother-in-law had a show opening yesterday afternoon. I was concerned about not being able to fit into the dress I had wanted to wear (due to my increased fluffiness recently), but breathed a sigh of relief when I was able to zip it up. During the opening, I steered clear of the food (which I was responsible for setting-up and refilling). Instead of wine, I had my jug of Crystal Light hidden away in the kitchen. There was an "obligatory" family dinner that evening at the local Mexican restaurant and I focused more on enjoying the experience rather than trying to eat clean. On the way home, I had a major craving for chocolate ice cream. Instead of getting something from the grocery store and having an opened container in the freezer, we swung by Baskin Robbins where I got a single scoop in a cup (as opposed to my multiple scoops in a waffle cone). Some of it was emotional - I didn't want to feel deprived or that I COULDN'T have the ice cream.
Today, I think I'm more or less back to "normal" on an emotional level. I wonder how much of it was due to hormones, but I hate the idea of blaming it on "womanly issues" over anything else. I think I was under more stress than I had realized. Also, with the trip to Canada I was probably more tired than I had realized as well. There very well could have been an impact from discontinuing birth control, but there's nothing I can do about that. I can do something about my stress and sleep. This morning, I let myself sleep in. I then had my massage this evening. I'm keeping with eating clean and I even got back on the elliptical!
Now, I need to sit down and give some thought to what I want to get out of my fitness and nutrition endeavors.
Food Log:
- Meal 1
- 3 egg whites
- 50g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
- Meal 2
- 2% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
- 1 tbsp coconut oil
- Meal 3
- 3oz Chicken
- Green beans
- 1 tbsp coconut oil
Exercise:
- Time: 85 minutes on the elliptical (time crunch with needing to get into work)
- Level: Level 1 for 1 minute; Level 2 for 60 minutes; Level 1 for 24 minutes
- Distance: 6+ miles
- Average HR: Around 160 while on Level 2; Around 140 while on Level 1
- Calories: 825+
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