Preparation Pays Off

Today I was out of the house from 9:30am until 11:30pm.  I was at the office in the morning, then at a friend's house for the afternoon, and the ballpark all evening.  Despite driving all over the place and doing a bunch of different stuff, I managed to stick to my plan and eat clean the whole day.  Maybe I'm tooting my horn a little, but I'm really happy with the  choices I made today.

My friend put together afternoon tea for a group of us and her food is DELICIOUS!  I let her know in advance that I was probably eating clean for the day and wouldn't be indulging too much in her munchies.  She knows of my efforts and is really easy-going about it.  Also, I brought a friend with me who agreed to eat my share.  I had my Greek yogurt on hand so I had something to eat at the table and I tanked up on tea.  Of course, I love my tea!  And everyone mostly sat around drinking tea so there wasn't any pressure for me to eat the sandwiches or cookies.  I think one person maybe asked if I was going to have a sandwich but that was it.  I really enjoyed everyone's company, which was the real focus of the afternoon.

After tea, I headed to the ballpark for our Saturday night game.  While driving over there, I ate my lunch.  The timing worked out well with leaving the tea and when I was starting to get hungry.  I didn't bother with trying to bring any food into the ballpark (though I had dinner in the car just in case).  During the game, I did get my Diet Coke.  That was more than enough to keep me happy and satiated - I didn't even finish it!  When I got home at 11:30, I pulled out my dinner.  Again, the timing was just right as I was starting to get hungry again.  In a little while, I'll have my yogurt before heading off to bed.

I think last night's preparation had a lot to do with my being successful today.  I portioned out my lunch like I usually do during the week.  I use the Rubbermaid Easy Find Lid Divided Dish for my lunches - the smaller sections are perfect for the chicken and rice and I fill up the large section with vegetables.  That fits in the bottom of my lunch bag.  I put the yogurt on top.  I portioned out my dinner as well, just in case I wasn't home in time and found myself getting hungry.  I also had a diet soda and some no-calorie drinks thrown in there.  This morning I added in my breakfast and vitamins, which I ate while driving into the office.  (Yes, I'm one of THOSE drivers.)  By the time I left the house this morning, I had my entire day's worth of food packed into a convenient bag (with the exception of tonight's yogurt).  If I didn't have my food on me, it wouldn't have been the end of the world but it also would have been much harder to make clean food choices.  

By having my food on me, I gave myself the flexibility to choose what foods I wanted to eat.  I didn't go into afternoon tea with the plan of NOT eating anything there.  Instead, I made the decision to eat based on how I was feeling at the time.  So I chose to eat my yogurt and didn't feel as though I was denying myself by saying I couldn't have anything.  Similarly, at the ballpark, I didn't prevent myself from getting anything at the concession stand.  In fact, I had conceptualized today as having a cheat meal somewhere in there.  But when I had the opportunities, I didn't feel the urge to pursue it.  

It may sound like a mind game, but I honestly think a big piece of clean eating has to do with how I think about the whole situation.  This is something that I choose to do, not something that I have to do or that I should do.  No one is twisting my arm.  I'm not denying myself or preventing myself from doing anything.  I know I'm more likely to follow my plan when I put the effort into preparing for success, but I'm also more likely to be successful when I talk to myself about my choosing to make successful choices.  Both elements are key to preparation, which is key to successful days and ultimately to positive efforts throughout my life.

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 2% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise: NONE (Planned)

Weigh-In:  145.7 / 145.3

Barriers To Bedtime

I am tired!  Even before 10pm, I was ready for bed.  Obviously, I didn't go to bed - finishing a load of laundry, cutting my husband's hair, preparing food for tomorrow's meals, and preparing and eating dinner have all kept me up.  As soon as I'm done with this post, however, I'll chow down on my yogurt, start the dishwasher, and head up to bed.  Interesting how it's never a direct path straight to bed?  Something else always manages to sneak in - just one more thing before going to bed.

I'm an excellent putterer.  "Puttering" refers to my doing little things in an effort to tidy and clean up.  For some reason, my prime puttering time is after dinner and before bed.  This drives my husband crazy, as it can be quite distracting while we're watching TV.  I try, but I have a hard time sitting still, especially when I see things that are waiting to be done.  Unfortunately, I always see another thing waiting to be done and I have a really hard time with leaving it waiting until later.

Once I actually get up to bed, I sometimes have a hard time "quieting" my thoughts.  I'll think about what's on my schedule for the next day, things that are waiting to be done, stuff that I didn't get done that day.  Some of this is helpful, sort of getting me to feel prepared for the next day.  I'm okay with that because it's concrete and short-lived.  Sometimes, though, it can take on more of a rumination feel to it, as if I'm dwelling on certain things and replaying them over in my mind.  It's not productive thinking but spinning my wheels, and this typically involves thinking about something that I did or something that I "should" have done.  I'm doing better with letting these thoughts go, but it certainly can be annoying when they're keeping me from falling asleep.  One strategy that I've been using is reading a book for fun - I'll read until I fall asleep.  It's a combination of self-care (since I don't usually take the time to read anything that's not work-related) and coping strategy.  I wouldn't say that the intrusive thoughts are problematic or bothersome, but ask me again when it's 2am and sleep is eluding me....

Now for my yogurt, my book, and my pillow.  Sweet dreams!

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 2% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:

• Time:  60 minutes on elliptical
• Level: Level 1 for 1 minute, Level 5 for 58 minutes, Level 1 for 1 minute
• Calories:  750+
• Average HR:  157
• Max HR:  174
• Distance:  5.1+ miles

Weigh-In:  146.3 / 145.1

Am I Challenging Or Difficult?

This morning I had an appointment with a sports nutritionist and it went much better than my previous appointment with a general nutritionist.  Toward the end of the appointment, she said something to the effect of my being a challenging client, mostly because I'm already educated and eating well.  On top of that, I'm in good health and am at a good weight.  So there's not much for her to work with here.  I didn't mean to make things difficult!  :)  So here's what happened in the appointment:  I didn't eat or exercise beforehand, as she did a measure of my resting metabolic rate.  To measure the RMR, I lay on the couch for about 10 minutes while wearing a nose plug and breathing through a tube (picture a snorkle connected to a machine).  We then reviewed the results and talked about my lifestyle.  Here's a breakdown of the information she gathered and the recommendations she made, along with my take on things:

From the Tanita scale:

• Body Type:  Athletic
• Height:  5'5"
• Weight:  144.4
• BMI:  24.0
• And we already know what I think about the BMI taken out of context....
• Fat %:  25.3%
• Wonder how accurate a measure this is.  Historically, my experience has been that the scale-based measurements tend to overestimate body fat.  Now, I recognize that my scales have been consumer-grade, but they have consistently reported my body fat as being 10% higher than the caliper measurements done at the gym.  I'm interested in having the "Bod Pod" measurement of body fat, since that's supposed to be the most accurate short of immersion in a water tank.
• Fat Mass:  36.61
• This ties into the same question about the accuracy of the percentage. 
• Basal Metabolic Rate:  5964kJ / 1426 kcal
• This is the same as Predicted Resting Energy Expenditure below.  Based on my other measurements, this is the predicted number of calories that my body needs just to keep it running while at rest (not while sleeping).

From the Resting Metabolic Rate Assessment:

• Predicted Resting Energy Expenditure (REE):  1421 (Same as Basal Metabolic Rate above)
• Measured Resting Energy Expenditure (REE):  1771
• This is higher than the predicted level, which is attributed to my having more lean muscle mass
• Lifestyle and Activity:  531
• The calories burned during the course of the day, above what it takes to keep my body working.  The form says that this number was estimated from the measurement, but I'm not sure how this was done.
• Exercise:  184
• Recognizing this is an underestimation of the calories that I personally burn while exercising.  This number also was estimated from the measurement, and I don't know what it drew on to come to this calculation.
• Calories/Day:  2486
• Sum of REE, Lifestyle, and Exercise calories.  I can't help but think that if I were to eat this number of calories that I would easily gain weight, though I guess it depends on the nature of those calories.  More on that later.
• Maintenance Zone:  1771 - 2302
• Weight Loss Zone:  1417 - 1771
• Medically Supervised Zone:  0 - 1417
• Comparable Metabolism (compared to a typical person of similar sex, age, height, and weight):  Fast (+25%)
• This indicates that my body burns more calories than average.

I don't have a copy of her calculations, but she did a breakdown of my daily nutritional intake based on the food logs that I shared with her.  I shared my "Kidney" plan and my current plan.  I thought it was interesting that she estimated my current plan at being around 1800 calories, as my trainer's wife had it calculated at being around 1200.  As we talked about it, I think the difference was that my trainer's wife didn't count vegetable calories in the total calculation.  So, with that in mind, the nutritionist recommended that I aim for 1800 calories/day with the following breakdown:

• 5 cups of fruits and vegetables
• Yup, I'm getting that.
• 6 oz-equivalent servings of grains
•  I'm getting about half of that, with each 1/2 cup of rice being an oz-equivalent and the cream of rice being another.
• 8 oz-equivalent servings of meat and beans
• I think I'm getting 9 servings here between my egg whites (3 servings) and my chicken (6 servings).  The yogurts don't count in this category.
• 3 cups of dairy
• I've got 2 of these with my yogurts.
• 5tsp of oils
• I'm definitely over this with the 3 tablespoons of coconut oil.

Recommendations:

• Eat more than 1800 calories/day, upwards of 2500.
• I think I'm in that range, once the calories from the vegetables are taken into account.
• Keep the protein where it's at right now (92g/day) but don't go any higher.
• She said that this is a lot of protein and she'd probably recommend a little less.  But it's working for me and she doesn't see there being a point to rocking the boat in this regard.
• Increase dairy intake to 3 servings a day and reduce calcium supplements accordingly.
• This is in line with the philosophy of "Be the kind of person who takes supplements — then skip the supplements." (Michael Pollan's Rule #40 in Food Rules).
• One suggestion would be to have an 8oz glass of milk after exercising.
• Switch from coconut oil to olive oil or other sources of healthier oils.
• The concern here is the level of saturated fats in the coconut oil.
• Add another serving of grains.
• One strategy would be to add a little bit more grain to the servings I already have rather than a whole additional serving.

Here's my take on things:

• I don't think it's really necessary to increase my caloric intake.  It looks like I'm in that target range, once accounting for the vegetable-related calories.  The main reason for increasing my calories was to keep my metabolism from slowing.  When you don't ingest sufficient calories, your body goes into starvation mode - holding onto calories and slowing/stopping weight loss, breaking down muscle to compensate for missing calories/nutrients.  Seeing as my metabolism is already in the "high" range, I don't think there's an immediate risk in this area.  On top of that, I don't feel hungry with what all I'm eating right now.  If anything, I sometimes have a hard time eating everything and have to "make" myself take in all the calories.  But I'll certainly keep an eye on my caloric intake, energy level, and trend for weight loss, making adjustments as necessary.
• I'm cool with keeping the protein where it's at right now.  I'll keep up with my monitoring (every 6 months) to see where my creatinine levels are at.  I still need to follow-up with the doctors at Johns Hopkins, but assuming that there's nothing different from the previous lab tests, it should all be good.
• I'm ambivalent about increasing the dairy by adding another serving.  I agree with the idea of getting nutrients from real foods as opposed to supplements.  Adding in an 8oz serving of non- or low-fat milk isn't going to add that many calories to the day and I'm all about the chocolate milk which is great for recovery after exercising.  I don't feel a pressing urge to add this to my diet, but I may see about adding it every once in a while.
• If I understand correctly, the big concern about the coconut oil has to do with it's possible impact on cholesterol, given that it's high in saturated fat and may raise the level of cholesterol in your blood.  I don't have any concerns regarding my cholesterol at this time, so I'm not rushing to cut the coconut oil from my diet.  I do want to see about possibly shifting back to the "healthier" sources of fats like almonds and peanut butter.
• The extra serving of grains was a secondary recommendation, and one that my trainer's wife said would probably be made.  I'm not scared of carbohydrates but don't feel as though I have to incorporate them into my diet either.  If I had to add something into my diet, I'd be willing to go with some more carbs (the cream of rice is yummy!) but I'd also be happy with a glass of chocolate milk.

So what am I going to do with this information?  For now, I think I'm going to keep things as is.  I'll monitor how I'm doing and make changes as I need to.  I already talked with my trainer's wife about possibly adding things into my diet or making changes, depending on how things go over the upcoming weeks.  Nothing's off limits, but I want to make sure I'm able to keep things in balance.  I'm happy that I met with this nutritionist and it was a MUCH more positive experience for me.  It was good to talk with someone and actually be able to have a dialog about things.  I appreciate the opportunity to learn more, both about myself and on a more general level.  Most importantly, I think it reaffirmed that I know my body best, that I know a lot about health and nutrition, and that I am my own best advocate.

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 2% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:

• Time:  80 minutes (60 minutes on stairmill; 20 minutes on elliptical)
• Level:  N/A
• Calories:  850+
• Average HR:  145
• Max HR:  157
• Distance:  5.1 miles (stairmill); 2+ miles (elliptical)

Weigh-In:  146.8 / 144.4 (according to nutritionist's scale and probably an underestimation given that I think she accounted for the clothes I was wearing as being heavier than they are)

Just A Log

I've got plenty of ideas but my brain's feeling kinda fuzzy.  Rather than force an entry tonight, I'm going to curl up on the couch under a giant blanket and enjoy my yogurt.  I'll then head up to bed , read a couple chapters in my book, and go to sleep.  Tomorrow is my appointment with the sports nutritionist, so I'm sure I'll have something to share after that!

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 2% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:  None (Planned)

Weigh-In:  146.9 / 146.5

Age

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count.  It's the life in your years."
- Abraham Lincoln

 
This evening my husband told me that something happened when he wasn't paying attention - he got old.  What?  Given that he and I are the same age, both turning 36 this year, I guess that means I'm old as well.  I generally don't feel old, though there are some days when the aches and pains catch up to me.  I wake up in the morning and my hands feel stiff.  I have a hard time walking smoothly because my right hip flexor is tight, so I hobble around a bit until things loosen up.  I know I'm no "spring chicken" but I'm not ready to be put out to pasture either!  I guess one of my goals is to maintain my youthfulness through health, fitness, and fun.  Here's to a lot of life in my years!

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% plain Chobani Greek Yogurt with cinnamon, vanilla, and Splenda added (YUM!)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:

• Time:  60 minutes on elliptical
• Level:  Level 1 for 1 minute; Level 4 for 58 minutes; Level 1 for 1 minute
• Calories:  725+
• Average HR:  156
• Max HR:  167
• Distance:  5.1 miles

Weigh-In:  147.7 / 146.7

The Power of Massage

Every other Monday evening, I head on over to Massage Envy for a 60-minute massage.  It's an incredible way to take care of myself after Sunday's weight-lifting.  Research shows that regular massages can help with the body's recovery, as well as increase muscle tone and flexibility.  Massage also increases circulation which helps the body eliminate metabolic wastes that are generated during the muscle-breakdown of weight lifting.

I've noticed how massage also helps me to be more in touch with my body, which relates to the increased awareness of my body through my exercise and eating.  Massage helps me better notice where I'm carrying tension in my body.  I'm focusing on relaxation, both during the massage and between appointments.  The massage table sometimes has a heating pad on it, and I've taken to using one at home when my muscles feel tight.  A friend of mine used to be very uncomfortable with massages and would actually keep her underwear on for the massage.  Over time, she's still not really  more comfortable with the idea of being touched but is definitely appreciative of the benefits of massage.  My husband has never had a massage and resists the idea of having one.  I try to tell him what he's missing out on, but I don't think he'll come around to it.  Perhaps if I suggested a couple's massage?  Meanwhile, I'll just use whatever massage gift certificates come his way.

I'd like to say I've never had a massage I didn't like, but unfortunately that's not the case.  There was one massage that stands out in my memory that was particularly horrible, but I definitely learned from it.  Here are my guidelines to help increase the likelihood of a rewarding massage experience:

• Be specific about what you want to focus on.  When asked about target areas, I told her that I carried most of my muscle tension in my shoulders.  She then proceeded to focus on nothing but my shoulders and upper back for the entire session.  Now, I let the massage therapist know what muscle groups are particularly sore/tight but I also emphasize that I would like a total body massage.
• Discourage excessive talking.  Throughout the entire massage, she talked to me.  In fact, she even went as far as to (playfully?) reprimand me for not stretching enough and shook my head by the ponytail.  I try to not talk once I'm face-down on the table.  I'll acknowledge questions with a "mmm-hmmm" or one-word answers if I can.  This can be tough, especially when I see the same massage therapist on a regular basis and we get to talking, but we get into a rhythm of talking before and after the massage but not during.
• Speak up about what feels good and what doesn't.  I know this sounds odd, but given my perfectionism, I also want to be the perfect massage client.  So, historically, I haven't spoken up when a massage hasn't felt right.  Nowadays, I'll say that I want a firm touch and I'll point out if it's too firm or not firm enough.  But keep in mind that it's okay to experience some muscular discomfort during the massage, especially when it's a deeper massage, but this isn't the same as pain.
• Be aware of what you're comfortable with.  Today I had my first massage with a male massage therapist.  I was perfectly comfortable with this, though I know some females might not be.  Actually, I was very impressed with his precision with moving the sheets so there was no chance that I'd be exposed.  He also let me know where he was, moving around the room, by keeping in contact with me so I wouldn't be surprised.  It sort of reminded me of how people are taught to move around horses, which almost got me giggling, but it was certainly appreciated.  The other massage experience that people may not be comfortable with, but I LOVE, is the glute massage.  All too often, massage therapists may avoid massaging someone's butt because it's definitely a more intimate body part, but please ask me if it's okay with me and I'll say YES!
• Dress comfortably.  I go to my massage dressed in my pajamas or lounge clothes.  It helps me to continue feeling relaxed when I leave the massage.  I don't have to deal with confining waistbands or constricting clothes.  Plus, I can then head home and get straight into bed.  I'm all about perpetuating the relaxation for as long as I can!

Massage is fabulous way to reward myself for all my efforts.  Not only is it a great way of caring for myself, but it recognizes my other attempts at self-care.

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans, onions, leeks
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% plain Chobani Greek Yogurt with cinnamon, vanilla, and Splenda added (YUM!)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:

• Time:  60 minutes on elliptical
• Level:  Level 1 for 1 minute; Level 4 for 58 minutes; Level 1 for 1 minute
• Calories:  725+
• Average HR:  156
• Max HR:  167
• Distance:  5.1 miles

Weigh-In:  147.3 / 146.7

2011 - Week 16 In Review

It's Easter and I'm keeping it clean - my Cadbury's Creme Egg is safely stored in the pantry, waiting for me to indulge next weekend with my "2nd Week Cheat" (planned).  It's been a week on my new plan and things are going well! 

Exercise:  I got 5 of my 6 days of exercise in this week - 4 days of cardio and 1 day of strength training.  I didn't exercise on Monday because the doctor asked me not to exercise while doing my 24-hour collection.  He thought I would drink less (and consequently produce less), but that wasn't the case at all.  Next time I do a collection, I won't hold off on the exercise.  I'm just a "high-volume patient" and that's the way it is.   On the days that I did do my cardio, I felt good and solid on the elliptical, though I was working through a bit of soreness.  Today was a good strength-training workout.  My weights are coming back up again and I'm feeling stronger.  True, I'm wiped out and fell asleep on the floor this afternoon, but it's a good kind of worked-over feeling. 

For the upcoming week, I know I'll be able to get 4 days of cardio in but that the 5th day will be a struggle.  Wednesday is another long day at work and I'm booked on Saturday all day long.  I may try to push myself for an early-morning workout, but I am SO not a morning person that I may cut myself some slack and see about extending my other workouts to compensate.

Food:  The new meal plan is working really well for me.  I'm not feeling starved.  When I feel hungry, it's generally time for the next meal (or a sign that I've lost track of time and it's way past time for the next meal).  Sometimes, by the end of the night, I'm not really hungry for the second yogurt.  I sit down and eat it anyways because I know I'll probably wake up hungry in the middle of the night.  Also, it's part of my overall daily needs and I want to make sure I'm not short-changing myself.  The protein, fats, and carbs are worked into my caloric intake and not getting enough can work against me, just as getting too much can.

I was really happy with being able to cook a nice dinner for my in-laws and still keep it clean for myself.  The recipe I worked from was for Keema Kari, an Indian curry dish.  The ingredients included were: 

• Oil (I used Pam in my pot and then added the coconut oil at the end)
• Onion
• Ginger
• Garlic
• Turmeric
• Ground Beef (I used my 3oz of chicken, finely chopped)
• Tomato
• Green Peas
• Garam Masala

So with my modifications, it was kept clean and still incredibly yummy.  I did the same with the onions and leeks, using Pam instead of oil and adding water to the skillet to help soften them.  Again, all clean and still delicious.  It got me thinking that on the weekends I might try further adaptations for dinners.  That way, I'll be adding extra flavors and trying new things without going straight to cheat meals.  During the week, I don't know if I'll have the time or energy for the additional food prep.  Besides, I'm happy with the food routine and generally don't mind eating the same thing each day. 

With this week, I don't anticipate any difficulties during the week.  Saturday will possibly be a cheat day and will definitely take some planning.  I'm at work from 10-2, which will be fine for me.  After that, I'm going to a friend's house for afternoon tea and games.  I know she makes DELICIOUS foods and that there will be plenty of food on hand.  I'm planning on bringing my own food, aiming to eat clean, enjoying tea, and possibly having a small nibble.  After tea, I'm headed to the ballpark and more challenges.  Again, I'll have my own food on me and will try to bring (smuggle) it into the game.  My trainer's suggestion was to eat right before and right after the game, which I may try depending on the timing.

On Thursday, I have an initial meeting with a sports nutritionist.  From that appointment, I'll see what fine-tuning (if any) my meal plan needs.  As I discussed with my trainer's wife this morning,  I'm really happy with the plan that she wrote-up for me but want to have a dietitian lay eyes on it.  My hope is that the dietitian won't recommend any significant changes, though my trainer's wife warned that I may be encouraged to reduce my fats and increase my carbs.

Overall:  Life seems to be clicking again.  I'm feeling good, both emotionally and physically.  I've got energy.  I'm physically able to do the things I want to do.  I'm well-fed and liking what I'm eating.  I'm more comfortable in my skin and my clothes.

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Peppers and onion
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:

• Time:  1 hour total body workout with trainer
• Calories: 425+
• Average HR:  117

Weigh-In:  147.0 / 145.9

Holding My Tongue

Sometimes it's just easier to not say anything.  Other people want to talk and make their points.  A conversation or discussion turns into an argument, frustration, or hurt feelings.  There are times when it's just not worth it.

I'm very open about my exercising and eating routines.  I'm happy to explain to people the hows and whys of it, and I really only do this when I'm asked about it.  But don't ask me if you don't want to hear what I have to say.  I get so irritated when I'm asked a question but then I'm not listened to when I give a response.  It can feel like the question was asked solely as an opening to challenge or rebut.

Everyone comes from their own perspective and it can be hard to understand others' perspectives (though there are times when I'm truly astounded by how narrow-minded some people can be!).  Also, it's not uncommon to make assumptions about what other people think.  People tend to assume similarities based on other commonalities ("in group").  Example: We both exercise and lift weights, therefore our workouts and our levels of exertion are comparable.  The tendency to generalize can work in the other direction as well - if we disagree in one area then obviously we disagree in other areas as well.  Example:  [Okay, I'm blanking on a fitness-related example but I'm sure that one exists.]

There's no one way to look at things and I believe that hearing about other perspectives can be very beneficial.  Through talking with others about their views, I can learn new information - food options, exercise routines, ways of conceptualizing goals.  It can be challenging to try to think about things differently, even if I don't agree with those takes.  If nothing else, it can help me to further clarify my own view on things. 

It is possible to have discussions that remain respectful and don't escalate to arguments.  However, if I feel it's heading in that direction, I'd rather withdraw from the interaction.  I may do that by changing the subject, smiling and nodding while not volunteering to say anything else, or even physically leaving the space.

What I'm doing works for me.  It doesn't work for everyone.  Other people have things that work for them.  They wouldn't necessarily work for me.  Please don't try to convince me that I should be doing what you're doing.  I don't proselytize and I would ask that others do the same.

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4 (homemade Indian food, modified to be clean):
• 3 oz chicken cooked with tomatoes, peas, onions, garlic, and a lot of spices
• Leeks and onions
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:

• Time:  61 minutes on elliptical
• Level:  Level 1 for 1 minute; Level 2 for 59 minutes; Level 1 for 1 minute
• Calories:725+
• Average HR:  157
• Distance:  5 miles

Weigh-In:  146.4 / 145.9

Handling Disappointment

"The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire, the size of your dream, and how you handle disappointment along the way."

- Robert Kiyosaki

Life isn't perfect.  It doesn't always follow our plans or meet our expectations.  Sometimes it can really throw us for a loop and leave us scratching out heads.  While life is generally going pretty well for me, I know that there are always going to be disappointments in some form or another.  That's just the nature of life.  I don't live my life expecting to be disappointed - that would just be too depressing! - but that doesn't mean I bury my head in the sand either.  I try to be prepared, but it's never possible to always be prepared (no matter what the boy scouts say). 

The toughest thing is when I disappoint myself.  Being a perfectionist (which I readily admit and occasionally take pride in), it's inevitable that my efforts will fall short of my aspirations.  Desire and dreams aren't enough, otherwise we'd all be successful before we even get out of bed in the morning.  There needs to be action that builds on these drives, and with every action there is the potential for being let down.  Without taking risks there can be no successes.

Even when I find myself disappointed, I try to find something that I can learn or gain.  What's the point of being let down if you don't figure out how to get back up from it or to protect myself from getting let down again?

(I think the fact that I've now got Chumbawamba's lyrics running through my head is a sign that this thought process has run it's course and it's time for me to go to bed!)

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:

• Time:  48 minutes on elliptical
• Level:  Level 1 for 1 minute; Level 4 for 45 minutes; Level 1 for 2 minute
• Calories: 600+
• Average HR:  162
• Distance:  4+ miles

Weigh-In:  146.8 / 146.4

Direct Communication

 I don't have ESP and I'm not very good at reading people's minds.  If you want me to know something, it's probably best to communicate it verbally and directly.  Similarly, I try to do the same with other people.  I don't mean being abrasive or aggressive but rather being clear and to the point.  Unfortunately, sometimes being direct can be interpreted as being aggressive or abrasive.  Sometimes, I know I can come across as being a bit blunt.  I do try to be diplomatic, but sometimes I feel like it falls on deaf ears.  When those efforts fail (or when I don't I don't have the time or patience), my "no nonsense" attitude comes out.  It's not that I lack empathy or that I don't care - far from it!  So if there's a time when the delivery of the message rubs you the wrong way, pause for a minute and try to assess the actual message.  After all, the packaging does count but it's the content that really matters.  (And I promise to work on my wrapping techniques!)

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:

• Time:  72 min
• Levels: 1 min Level 1; 70 min Level 4; 1 min Level 1
• Distance:  6+ miles
• Calories:  900+
• Average HR: 160
• Max HR: 171

Weigh-In:  147.6 / 147.0

Spring Has Sprung

 I've noticed a boost in my mood and energy over the past few days and I'm liking it!  Spring is in the air.  It's still light outside when I leave work at the end of the day - which has a big impact, considering my office has no windows.  I've got the itch to do home improvement projects and have even gotten outside to do some yardwork already.  Baseball is back - both major league and our local minor league.   Across the board, life is good! 

It's not uncommon for there to be a boost in mood and energy with the onset of spring.  After all, consider Seasonal Affective Disorder and the onset of depressive symptoms as related to winter weather and limited exposure to sunlight.  But I'm certain there are other contributing factors that are at play here.

I've been over my "plague" for some time now, and being healthy makes a significant difference in how I feel about things.  I'm also caught up (finally!) with everything that I put off doing while I was sick.  I don't think I fully appreciated how overwhelmed I felt by this giant list of tasks, obligations, and responsibilities that I was carrying around.  Over the past two weeks, I had the time and energy to sit down and really tackle this list.  While there's always going to be things that need to be done, it's down to a much more manageable size.  It's almost like I've lost weight with each item that's been checked off - I definitely feel lighter!

I think my improved sense of control and autonomy over my nutritional plan is a HUGE piece.  After feeling "beaten down" for the last few months (especially with last Friday's fiasco), I was delighted to make the choice about how I wanted to eat for myself.  I'm feeling empowered about my food and that pumps me up!  Eating doesn't feel like a prison sentence any longer.  Related to this, there's the possibility that I'm feeling more energized because I'm doing a better job of fueling my body and giving it what it needs.

I'm also feeling better understood and supported by those around me.  In part, I've been seeking out people who are going to be able to help me meet my needs.  The doctors at Johns Hopkins, my trainer and his wife, a registered dietitian who specializes in sports nutrition (appointment scheduled for next Thursday), and, of course, my husband. 

I'm not quite sure where it's coming from, but I won't complain!

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:  None (Planned)

Weigh-In:  149.0 / 148.6

Heart Rates

I've been a big fan of heart rate monitors (HRMs) since I started exercising back in the early 2000s.  The watch I've used the majority of that time is the Polar F6, a model that they don't carry any longer.  When I do get around to replacing it, I'm probably going to go with the FT60.  It's hard to justify getting it now, when the watch I've got works perfectly well for it's intended purposes.  And I don't really need all the bells and whistles that come with some of these watches.  I primarily use the HRM to track the level of effort I'm making during my workout.  It can be tough to get a read on how much I'm pushing myself across a range of activities, or even across a range of elliptical machines.  I figure I can refer to the watch to get a read on how high my heart rate is and, related to this, approximately how many calories I'm burning.

I don't rely on the measures I get from the equipment.  I've seen dramatically variable numbers, generally over-estimating the number of calories burned.  And then there are the times when I'm not using a machine for my workout (like when lifting weights).  Now, my trainer is "of the firm opinion that those Polar watches (and many cardio units) dramatically over-estimate your calorie burn, just to make you feel good, like you "accomplished something".  Only problem is, I've known tons of people who "burn a thousand calories an hour in Zumba class", and remain very, very fat.  Hmmm, makes you think.  Get the cardio done, use it as a measurable tool for progression, but don't marry yourself to the idea that it's going to counterbalance your diet THAT much."

Now I, too, am VERY suspicious of someone who claims to burn over a thousand calories in a group fitness class.  I get very annoyed with group fitness instructors who tell people that they're probably burning 1000 calories in that one class - it leads to overly high expectations about results from the class and can "encourage" people to over-eat outside of class.  I used to teach hip-hop aerobics and would maybe burn 600 when I was teaching.  If I was just taking the class, I'd be lucky if I burned 450.  I wouldn't be making as much of an effort while taking the class, because I wasn't needing to talk while moving or just moving as much.

One thing to keep in mind is that the number of calories burned is going to be influenced by the amount of weight that's being carried around to begin with.  I've noticed that I'm supposedly burning more calories during an hour now than I was when I weighed 10 pounds less.  I'm moving more "fluff" for that hour and my heart rate goes higher and stayed higher under that extra exertion.  So two people could be doing the exact same activity and ultimately have significantly different calorie burns.

I think the actual number of calories burned doesn't really matter.  My trainer's warning me to not "marry [myself] to the idea that it's going to counterbalance [my] diet" because I was sharing my frustration about the nutritionist's recommended 1200 calorie/day diet and how I'd only be having 600 calories/day after burning the other half by exercising.  

I use the numbers as a way of structuring my overall exercise efforts.  I know I've put in sufficient effort when I see a heart rate at a certain elevation and a calorie burn reach a certain point.  I can then modify the numbers that I'm aiming for, just as I would modify my caloric intake as my weight changes.  I used to aim for 300 calories/workout, back when I was just starting to exercise.  Now that I'm in better shape and pushing myself further, I aim for 600 calories/workout and try to workout 5 times/week.  Am I really burning 600 calories with each workout?  I couldn't tell you.  But I can say that it does work as a motivator, a number to aim for with each session, a way of comparing my efforts across sessions.  Now, if I used it as permission to go and eat 600 calories of chocolate afterward....

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 3: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:

• Time:  60 minutes on elliptical
• Level:  Level 1 for 1 minute; Level 4 for 58 minutes; Level 1 for 1 minute
• Calories:  750
• Average HR:  157
• Distance:  5.15 miles

Weigh-In:  150.3 / 150.0

My New Plan

Starting today, I'm trying out a new meal plan that my trainer's wife put together for me.  If I had my way, I'd go back to the meal plan I had been following last summer.  However, it was much higher in protein and, because of the whole kidney thing ... well, you know the story.  The plan that my trainer put together in February was understood to be a temporary measure until there were some more definitive answers.  After my disappointing meeting with the nutritionist on Friday, I spoke with my trainer about wanting a revised plan.  He handed the job over to his wife, who is also a trainer and in the process of preparing for figure competitions.  She's also very into food preparation and knows a lot about nutrition.  After about a day, she had me a complete work-up for me.  Here's the new plan:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• Veggies
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Total breakdown: 24g carb, 14g fat, 24g protein
• Meal 2: 
• 0% or 2% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Total breakdown: 21g carb, 14g protein
• Meal 3:
• 3 oz lean meat
• Veggies
• 1/2 cup cooked rice or 4oz sweet potato
• Total breakdown:  25g carbs, 20.3g protein
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz lean meat
• Veggies
• 1/2 cup cooked rice or 4oz sweet potato
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Total breakdown: 24g carbs, 4g fat, 20.3g protein
• Meal 5: 
• 0% or 2% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Total breakdown:  21g carb, 14g fat, 14g protein

Totals for the day:  

• Protein: 92.6g (361.2)
• Carbs: 115g (460 cals) plus trace carbs from veggies
• Fat: 42g (378 cals)
• Calories: 1199 cals

It's only been one day so far, but I'm pretty happy with it and think this is something I can follow without much difficulty.  That's a good thing, since I've been told I don't get a cheat meal for the first two weeks!  I know I was complaining when the nutritionist gave me a meal plan of 1200, but this plan seems like it has so much more food in it!  Also, it's foods that I like and that are healthy, as opposed to adding in mayonnaise, margarine, or slices of diet bread.  Here's my take on each meal:

Meal 1:  The eggs are what I've already been eating, just 50% more.  Can't complain there!  The cream of rice might be a form of baby food, but baby it's yummy!  I added the coconut oil and then some Splenda, cinnamon, and vanilla and it was a delicious treat.  I could also see adding I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray or nutmeg.  The coconut oil melted easily into the hot cream of rice and I didn't notice it adding any flavor what with everything else I added in there.

Meal 2:  I LOVE Greek yogurt!  I used to add a scoop of chocolate protein powder and it would almost be like eating frozen yogurt, what with the thicker texture.  I'm not sure if there's a specific reason for recommending the Chobani brand, but I found a number of yummy flavors.  This time it was strawberry.  Right now, I only have the 0% fat because that's all that was at the grocery store.  Next time I'll check out the other flavors and not limit myself to the 0% as I might have in the past.

Meal 3:  Not different from my previous meals except for the addition of brown rice.  I cooked up a large batch in the rice cooker so I can scoop out a serving as I need it.  I also have some frozen steamers bags of brown rice that I can pull out in an emergency.  It did seem like a treat to have some rice, and it smelled really good as it was cooking.  Yum!  I'll pick up some sweet potatoes the next time I'm at the store as well.  I love sweet potatoes, especially when they've been oven-baked (as opposed to microwaved).  It can be more difficult to work out the portions just right.

Meal 4:  I wasn't quite sure how to incorporate the coconut oil here.  I heated up my rice and veggies in a bowl and then put the coconut oil on top of it afterward.  As with the cream of rice, the heat was enough to liquify the oil.  I then used the rice to soak-up any leftover oil.

Meal 5:  I didn't have the benefit of heat for the coconut oil this time, so I microwaved the oil to liquify it and then mixed it directly into the Greek yogurt.  It took a little while for it to get incorporated but I was able to blend it quite easily and it didn't change the taste of the yogurt either.  It's not the same as my oatmeal and peanut butter as a before bed snack, but it's still quite yummy and satisfying.

Exercise:  None - planned.  One of the doctors I saw on Wednesday told me that he didn't want me exercising on the day I re-did my urine collection.  While I didn't get on the elliptical, I did cut the grass, trim the hedges, and do a bit more yard work.  I didn't bother wearing my heart rate monitor, but there was a bit of physical activity.

Today's weigh-in:  154.1 / 153.4 - Yesterday was weight-lifting and quite a cheat meal, so I really wasn't surprised by this.  It'll be interesting to see what happens over the week with this new plan in place.

2011 - Week 15 In Review

Fifteen weeks into 2011?  Wow!  This year is flying by!  All in all, I'd say that it was a good week, though there were some rough patches in there for me.  Regardless of the ups and downs, it definitely ended on more of an up and I'm feeling energized about the directions I'm headed in.

Exercise:  I'm continuing to improve!  I got 5 of my 6 days of exercise in this week - 4 days of cardio and 1 day of strength training.  I had planned on a 5th day of cardio on Friday, but after the upsetting appointment and working myself up into having a migraine, I physically couldn't handle the exercise.  I tried to compensate for it a bit by doing some extra cardio yesterday and I think I was generally on-point with my total calorie burn.  I'm not beating myself up over taking Friday off - it is what it is.  When I did exercise, I noted further gains in my endurance, being able to take it to a higher resistance level or continue for a longer period of time.  With strength training, I still feel a bit weaker than I'd like to but I'm noticing that I'm continuing to make gains there as well. 

With the up-coming week, I'm not necessarily going to get 6 workouts in over the 7 days.  I've been asked to not exercise tomorrow, as I'm doing ANOTHER 24-hour urine collection for the kidney doctors.  (The reason being that exercising encourages me to drink more and there's the concern that my high level of fluid intake could possibly be masking issues by diluting my urine output.)  Then Wednesday is a 12-hour workday.  I'm toying with the idea of doing two workouts in a single day, depending on how I feel.  I'm toying with the idea of cardio on Thursday morning and lifting with my husband that evening, but we'll see what we're up for.  I've got options, and even if I don't get 6 workouts in there, I can make sure I've got 5 quality ones under my belt.

Food:  A continuation of my eating clean, with the exception of this afternoon/evening.  I planned for a cheat with going to the ballpark, as I've outlined below.  I gave myself a bit more of a cheat because I know I'm back on a more restricted plan tomorrow and I won't have a cheat for two weeks.  It also was my first trip to the ballpark this season, and what better way to kick off the season than with a bunch of deep-fried stuff?  I know, I know, but indulge me a little here.  There really aren't any healthy options and it was a double-header so I was at the stadium for almost 6 hours.  For regular games, I can make do with what I smuggle into the stadium or plan my eating for immediately before and after the game with a bathtub of Diet Coke to see me through.

Starting tomorrow, I'm following a new meal plan that my trainer's wife (and my friend) put together for me.  She's currently prepping for some competitions this summer, is very well educated about food, knows a lot about what works and doesn't work, and knows my circumstances.  My big lesson learned: Be careful when asking someone in "prep mode" to put together a meal plan for you.  You'll get an awesome plan, but you won't get ANY sympathy.  I asked if I could have a cheat of a Cadbury's Creme Egg at the end of the first week and was out-and-out told no.  I could save it, it wouldn't go bad, and I could eat it after two weeks.  She then told her husband, my trainer, that I was asking for my Creme Egg and he graciously offered to eat it for me (but only after giving me a hard time about it).

I'll give a run-down of the new plan (and my take on it) tomorrow as I give it a try.

Overall:  I'm happy with myself and my efforts.  I definitely have been feeling a greater sense of control or ownership over the whole kidney situation.  I'm infinitely proud of myself for not going on an emotional binge after the mess on Friday with the nutritionist, and believe me the urge was there.   I didn't let it pull me off track and I didn't let it drag me down.  Rather, it left me feeling more driven to figure things out for myself!  I want to continue advocating for myself, especially in relation to how I'm feeding my body (in all meanings of the word).  I'm going to work with the plan that my trainer's wife put together.  I'm also going to pursue a consultation with a sports nutritionist (having identified a couple over the weekend).  It may take more time and energy on my part, but I'm worth the effort!

Food Log

• Meal 1  
• 2 egg whites
• 40g oatmeal
  
• Meal 2  (CHEAT at the ballpark)
• 3 chicken tenders
• French fries
• Onion petals
• Funnel cake
• Meal 3
• 1oz almonds
• Light cheese
• 3oz chicken
• Meal 4
• 3oz chicken
• Green beans
• 40g oatmeal
• Generous tablespoon of peanut butter
• CHEAT
• Cadbury's Creme Egg
• Whoppers

Exercise:

• Time:  1-hour total body workout with trainer 
• Calories:  400+

Today's Weigh-In:  148.9 / 148.6

A Day Of Self-Care

After yesterday's frustrations, I sorely needed a day of self-care today.  All too often, I postpone doing things for myself.  Instead of relaxing, I'll find chores and projects to work on.  While there's always things on my "To Do" list, I have a hard time remembering that I don't have to do all of it right away.  I remind myself of something my boss once told me: Be grateful for having things on your "To Do" list - once everything's done, you die.  I do appreciate having things to work on, but I do know that I struggle with an all-or-nothing approach to life.

Today, I told myself I would try a different approach.  I decided to take advantage of the rainy day (and my husband's being out of the house all day) to do things just for me.  I stayed in bed for a couple extra hours and read my fun book.  I then spent most of the day working on scrapbook pages. and watching television.  I did get around to my cardio, but that was also something I wanted to do for myself.  The workout felt really good and I could have gone for longer but wanted to pace myself.  After exercising,  I took a deliciously hot shower and used my "special" shower gel.  Then my husband came home and a friend came over so we spent the whole evening hanging out.  We had planned on going to the ballpark, but it was rained out.  Another way to take advantage of circumstances and take care of myself.

Why is it so hard for me to do things to take care of myself?  I'll often not do things that are purely for myself because I feel guilty about doing so.  I'll beat myself up for not doing things I "should" do.  I'm working hard at better setting boundaries for myself - when I'll do things for work, when I'll do things for others, and when I'll do things for myself.  I'm recognizing the limits of what I'm actually capable of doing, seeing as they're different from what I think I can do.

Even superheros burn out every once in a while.  I remind myself of that fact and of the fact that I don't have the special powers or fancy costume that a superhero has.  If I don't take care of myself who will?  It's not that I don't trust other people or think that they don't care for me, but that I can't rely on them to be as attentive to my needs as my needs necessitate.  (How's that for word choice?)  As I'm aware of my needs and my limitations, I'm then able to recruit others to assist me in taking care of myself.

Here's one example:  I intentionally didn't talk with my parents yesterday because of my migraine and feeling frustrated.  I did talk with them this morning to review the points that came up with yesterday's appointment with the nutritionist.  I was clear with them about what was covered in the meeting, what I'm doing about it, and what they can do to support me.  I was clear about what I didn't need from them, because their "offering advice" is often a source of frustration and irritation for me (though I understand it's well-intended).

Another example is my asking my trainer and his wife for assistance with a new meal plan, but more on that tomorrow....

And now for some further self-care - bed-time!

Food Log:

• Meal 1
• 2 egg whites
• 40g oatmeal
• Meal 2
• 3oz chicken
• Green beans
• 2 tablespoons light salad dressing
• Meal 3
• Apple
• 1oz almonds
• Light cheese
• Meal 4
• 3oz chicken 
• Green beans
• 2 tablespoons light salad dressing
• 40g oatmeal
• Tablespoon peanut butter

Exercise:

• Time:  75 minutes
• Level:  Level 1 for 1 minute; Level 2 for 73 minutes; Level 1 for 1 minute
• Distance:  6.25 miles
• Calories:  850+

Today's Weigh-In:  148.7 / 148.1

Meeting With The Nutritionist

So I had a consult with a nutritionist today at Johns Hopkins and generally felt it was a waste of time.  She totally didn't take into account my muscle mass or being more athletic. She said that 80g/day of protein already was a high protein diet and she wouldn't recommend more than 60,g but she'll allow me the 80g but nothing more (how generous!).  This completely went against what ALL THREE doctors told me over the past week.  Then she pulled up a 1200 calorie sample meal plan through the American Dietetic Association that she wants me to work with:

Breakfast (1 protein, 3 carb, 1 fat):

1 egg or 1/4 cup egg substitute - how the egg doesn't count as a fat, I don't know

1 slice of toast (or 2 slices low calorie bread)

6oz yogurt or 1 cup skim milk

1 orange

1 tsp margarine - you WANT me to be adding in unhealthy fats?

Lunch (2 protein, 2 carb, 1 fat):

1oz ham, 1oz cheese

2 slices low calorie bread

1 pear

veggies (lettuce, tomatoes, raw broccoli)

1 tsp mayo or 1 tsp miracle whip - MORE unhealthy fats?

Dinner (3 protein, 2 carb, 1 fat):

3oz chicken

1 cup cooked pasta

veggies

2 tbs low fat dressing

Snack (2 carb)

1 cup skim milk

3 squares of graham crackers - That's 1 1/2 sheets, so not even a full serving.

I left the appointment INCREDIBLY irritated and angry!!!  This is a generic cookie-cutter meal plan that doesn't take into consideration any of my specific needs.  First of all, only 1200 calories?  When I'm already burning 600 calories through exercise each day and (according to her) need 1300 calories a day just to maintain my current weight?  I know I said I want to lose some weight, but if I follow this plan I guarantee I'll be hungry, not losing weight, but losing muscle mass.  So she says I can go up to 1500 calories, as long as it's not adding more protein.  I can have "free" foods, like more veggies or a cup of popcorn.  One cup of popcorn?  Seriously?  That's just air, so why bother?  And more veggies?  Did she not hear when I told her my bowel movements are green and when I pass gas it smells like a salad? (Sorry if that's TMI.)

I don't have as much energy as I used to, I'm hungry more often, I don't have the same endurance, and I feel like I've been losing strength and muscle mass.  And every medical professional I've spoken with has readily agreed that I'm perfectly healthy in every other way that I can be healthy.  In fact, my lifestyle is ideal, with the exception of this one difficulty of processing protein which may not be so big a deal anyways.  So how is a 1200-1500 generic diet supposed to help me?  She kept talking about the importance of eating a balanced diet and not stressing too much over the protein, just not eating too much protein.  Huh?  And she couldn't point out how my current diet is imbalanced, except that she suggested I have another carb with lunch or consider yogurt.  When I pointed out that these suggestions would result in the overall increase in calories as well as the increase in protein, she went back to parroting the line about a balanced diet.  And how is my diet imbalanced?  If you can't explain to me what's wrong or lacking in my current diet or how your proposed diet is supposed to improve my health or help me reach my goals, I have a hard time understanding why I should go with your suggestions.

Then she gives me a "nutrition therapy for endurance athletes" handout but doesn't want me to follow it because it has too much protein in it.  Hello?  I don't have renal disease!  The doctor I saw on Wednesday said I didn't have to worry about restricting protein and to defer to a nutrition specialist who would take into consideration the fact that I'M AN ATHLETE and have different nutritional needs, INCLUDING MORE PROTEIN.

I was so upset after this meeting!  I was crying and yelling in the car as I drove into the office.  Once I got to work, I closed myself in my office so as to not see anyone.  I started to do some research and make some phone calls.  I continued to feel upset and began to feel sick.  I took a nap on my little couch rather than attend the staff meeting.  And, I gave myself a migraine.  I canceled my only appointment of the day and left early because there was no way I could make it through the meeting and do either of us any benefit.  So I drove home and, on the way, pulled over and vomited on the shoulder.  Once I got home, I slept for about 3 hours and started to feel a bit more human again.  I also was able to regain my focus and talk things through with my husband.

So here's what I'm going to do:  I'm putting calls into "sports nutritionists" but they're hard to find.  I'm working on that.  Meanwhile, I'm working with my trainer and his wife to create my own meal plans to figure out what works for me while being aware of the protein element.  Here are the ratios that I found based on the recommendations for someone who's moderately active:

Carbs - 5g/kg would put me at 325g/day

Protein - 1.5g/kg would put me at 97.5g/day

Fat - 1g/kg would put me at 45g/day

All based on my weighing 65kg (or about 143, which is about 6 pounds less than where I'm at right now).  This would have me eating about 2000 calories a day.  If I re-work it to 1500 calories a day, I would look for a breakdown of:

220g carb (880 calories)

90g protein (360 calories)

30g fat (270 calories)

So we're going to work-up something that's in the ballpark of the 1500.  Until we get that plan in place, I'm continuing to go with the 80g/day plan that I've been following since February.  I want to come up with something "balanced" that will be sustainable and healthy, being aware of strains on my kidneys but not keeping me from reaching my fitness goals

I'm just feeling really down and disappointed right now, like I've been told that I can't go back to having the body I had last summer.  I can't be muscular and lean.  I can't be strong.  So I'm "one hot mess" right now, pretty angry, and kinda wallowing and feeling sorry for myself.  I'm trying really hard to not let this get me down, but I'm definitely feeling worn-down after 4 months of this circus.  In the grand scheme of things, I know things aren't that bad.  If it's between being healthy and looking good in a bikini, I'll choose being healthy.  But why can't I have both?

Thanks for reading my vent!  :)

Food Log:

• Meal 1 (most of which was left on the shoulder of Route 29)
• 2 egg whites
• 40g oatmeal
• Meal 2
• Apple
• 1oz almonds
• Light cheese
• Meal 3
• 6oz chicken 
• Green beans
• 2 tablespoons light salad dressing
• 40g oatmeal
• Tablespoon peanut butter

Exercise: None - I had planned to exercise this evening but the migraine totally wiped me out.

Today's Weigh-In:  150.0 / 149.7