"You make me so angry!" Really? I made you angry? I crawled inside your brain, fiddled with the wiring, and created anger in there? Instead, it would probably be more accurate to say "I feel angry in response to what you said or did." This may seem like more of a word game, but it emphasizes that it's my feeling. I'm owning my experience and taking responsibility for it.
Is it possible to choose how you feel? Not always. I do think it's possible to foster feelings, to fan them like a flame. I can build on a feeling or I can choose to not feed into it. Even if I can't fully influence my emotional response to something, it's up to me to determine how I act on these feelings. I often talk myself through situations, trying to identify my reactions and why I may be reacting in that manner. I see if I might be jumping to conclusions or making assumptions about the other person's motivations. I'm not looking to justify others' actions, but rather to see if there could be alternative reasons behind them aside from what I'm reading into it.
Where is this coming from? This weekend, I started reading a book about weight and body image issues that women face. My husband keeps asking me what I'm reading, because he hears me grumbling and muttering to myself. Now, I know the authors aren't trying to make me angry. They have no idea who I am or that I own a copy of their book. Instead of putting the book down, which was my husband's suggestion (probably because it's disrupting his own reading), I'm choosing to continue with it.
I'm not blindly accepting the contents of the book and telling myself I should be enjoying it. I'm reading the book at a slower pace (only one chapter at a time) and balancing it with a purely fun book. While I'm reading this book that leaves me feeling irritated, I think of it as a therapeutic exercise or an opportunity for self-reflection. What are my hot buttons? Why am I responding so strongly to a particular point or passage? Do I feel that it's encouraging people to make excuses for their behaviors? Or perhaps these behaviors hit a little closer to home and remind me of myself in some ways.
There's still a significant portion of the book waiting to be read, and I'll get to it sooner rather than later. I can pretty much guarantee that, when I do finish the book, it's going to provide some interesting material for future posts. (Assuming I don't find myself getting too irritated in the process!) Regardless of the situation and what I'm facing, I try to ask myself:
Is it worth getting riled up?
Food Log:
- Meal 1
- 2 egg whites
- 40g oatmeal
- Meal 2
- 3oz chicken
- Salad
- 2 tablespoons light salad dressing
- Meal 3
- Apple
- 1oz almonds
- Light cheese
- Meal 4
- 3oz chicken
- Salad
- 2 tablespoons light salad dressing
- 40g oatmeal
- Tablespoon peanut butter
Exercise: None (Planned)
Today's Weigh-In: 149.2 / 148.8
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