What's Wrong With Me?

"What does that person have that I don't have?"  

"Why does that person get to do these things that I don't?"

"Why don't I get that kind of attention/recognition?"

"What's wrong with me?"

These are questions that sometimes run through my head.  I must admit that they flared up over the last week or two, primarily in response to observations at the concerts.  Why is it that the girls who, in my opinion, look slutty/trampy/sleazy/easy seem to get the attention?  Yes, I know it's probably BECAUSE they look slutty/trampy/sleazy/easy, but it's so FRUSTRATING!  I kind of want the attention that they're receiving, just without adopting that look or even to adopt that look without it being seen as "that" kind of look.  (That's a mixed bag, isn't it?)

And I know I'm not the only one that has these experiences.  I've talked with friends who have the same thoughts and reactions.  I've also talked with adolescent girls about all these worries and insecurities.  Some things never change.  I'm so thankful that I'm not a teenager anymore, but it totally irks me that I'm still vulnerable to those adolescent insecurities.  Over the (many) years, I'd like to think that I've gained greater insight into these situations and my reactions to them.  I don't have a perfect handle on things and I probably never will.  I'm better at identifying what triggers me in these situations, how I might be distorting things, and why I'm particularly sensitive to thoughts at that time.

I've noticed that when I have a strong reaction to someone else, it's often because that person reminds me of something I don't really like about myself.  It leads to my getting more wrapped up in my own insecurities, even if the focus seems to be on that other person.  What do I do in response?  I've gotten much better at talking myself through these negative, self-critical thoughts.  I'll challenge these questions with other questions:

Would that reflect my priorities?

Would I feel comfortable with myself if I acted/dressed in that manner?

Would I really want that kind of attention?

Why does this mean that there's something wrong with me?

I'm not perfect, but I remind myself that no one's perfect (despite my sometimes thinking that "other people" are!).  While I may feel as though other people are "golden" that doesn't mean I'm "pewter" or a "rusty tin can" in comparison.  They're who they are and I'm who I am.  There's no reason to think that I don't measure up, or that measurements are even being made in the first place.  When it comes down to it, I'm comfortable with who I am, the choices I've made, and how I act.  While things haven't always worked out the way I would have liked, I don't have any regrets.  I don't feel as though I've compromised myself in any way.  My life reflects my values and my priorities.  Honestly, there's nothing wrong with me!

Food Log:

• Meal 1: 
• 3 egg whites
• 30g dry cream of rice (cooked in water)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 2:
• 3oz chicken
• Green beans
• 1/2c cooked rice
• Meal 3: 
• 2% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Meal 4: 
• 3 oz chicken
• Peppers and onions
• 1/2c cooked rice
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• Meal 5: 
• 0% flavored Chobani Greek Yogurt
• 1 tbsp coconut oil

Exercise:  None (Planned)
Weigh-In: 148.2 / 148.0