A few nights ago, I caught part of a program entitled "Half-Ton Mom" which covered the story of a 900-pound woman. What I saw brought up a number of questions for me, not about this woman's plight but more about obesity-related perceptions and behaviors in general. Now, please forgive me for any inaccuracies, as I saw the few segments very late at night as I was falling asleep.
Identified as the world's heaviest woman, the portion I saw covered her plea for gastric-bypass surgery and the concerns regarding operating on a "super morbidly obese" person. In going over the woman's history, she was always overweight or obese. This was then exacerbated by her being in a car accident that left her bed-ridden. By the time of the programming, she had been bed-ridden for four years and had gained an additional 420 pounds, almost doubling her weight. The portion of the program that I didn't see was that twelve days after she the surgery that was supposed to save her life, she developed an infection and suffered a fatal heart attack.
Did she gain this weight on her own? Yes and no. Up until the car accident, she was the one putting food into her own mouth. But what about when she was bed-ridden? Someone was bringing her food each day. Someone was creating a menu of out-of-proportion servings that were laden in fat and calories. Someone was serving her with a "meal" of 6-8 hamburgers. Simply put, she had an enabler.
Wisegeek.com describes an enabler as "a person who through his or her actions allows someone else to achieve something ... most often associated with people who allow loved ones to behave in ways that are destructive.... [T]hough the enabler may be acting out of love and trying to help or protect a person, he or she is actually making a chronic problem like an addiction worse."
Is there an enabler in your life? Are you enabling someone else's destructive behaviors?
Often, there are the best of intentions when fostering the worst of behaviors. I wouldn't be surprised if those enabling the "half-ton mom" did so because they wanted to try to bring her some element of happiness or pleasure. They were trying to "help" her through a whole slew of pains. With being bed-ridden, there wasn't much else that could be offered her. I know that I have the tendency to try and take care of my husband by "over-serving" him or by giving him cookies and treats for much the same reason (though not to nearly the same extent!). I know I can't alleviate his stress at work or make problems go away, so I give him what I can - often from the kitchen.
Were there enablers involved in my weight-gain? I'm sure that there were, though I wouldn't target a specific individual. Instead, I would say that my friends and I often engaged in a pattern of behaviors that could be described as enabling. We wanted to make each other feel good about ourselves. We would encourage each other to enjoy good food, to indulge in delicious treats (which we often baked together), and to not define ourselves by the anorexic models in magazines. And I don't think this is necessarily an unhealthy or bad thing. Friends are a great source of support and encouragement, provided that this is directed toward healthy and constructive goals. The difficulty is in telling whether or not the so-called "support" is a help or a hindrance.
People often look to make each other feel better. It's uncomfortable to see other people experiencing discomfort. While a motivation may be to make someone feel better in the moment, it may not be what is best in the long run. Trying to provide a good feeling in the moment (say by offering up a brownie or going out for an indulgent dinner) may not be the best way to support or encourage.
Now, not every offer of a cupcake or margarita is an effort to engage in destructive behaviors. I try to not be cynical or to view these as the gestures of an enabler or of someone looking to undermine constructive efforts. Perhaps they're not aware of the all the dynamics that are in play, revolving around a plate of cookies. Instead of getting upset or angry, I try to talk with people about how they can be supportive in a manner that empowers.
If I find myself getting lured into a cycle of unhealthy behaviors when I'm around a particular person, I may examine the pattern. What is it about my interactions with this person that fosters these destructive behaviors? Is there something that leaves me increasingly vulnerable? Why do I choose to be around this person if there is this tendency? Can I protect myself, perhaps by limiting my exposure?
It is up to me to be my own best advocate. I will seek out those that support and encourage me. I will distance myself from those that undermine and sabotage. I have the power to empower myself!
Food Log:
- Meal 1
- 2 egg whites with red pepper, onion, and salsa
- 40g oatmeal
- Meal 2
- 3oz chicken
- Big salad
- 2 tablespoons salad dressing
- Meal 3
- Apple
- Light cheese (Baby Bell)
- 1oz almonds
- Meal 4
- Green and yellow beans
- 3oz chicken
- 2 tablespoons salad dressing
- 40g oatmeal
- Tablespoon of peanut butter
Exercise:
- Time: 60 minutes total body workout with trainer
- Calories: 300+
Today's Weigh-In: 144.0
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